The Issues With Social Media

I love social media. I love scrolling through various timelines to see what people have been up to (I'm nosy like that!), and reading and writing blog posts about things that are on our minds. Social media's a great place to share things with friends or even strangers; thoughts, feelings, photos, videos, anything! But there comes a point where some people share too much. When too much is shared, where anyone in the world can see it.

Besides writing about my relationships, I'm always extremely careful as to what I choose to post online. I rarely write Facebook statuses, and only tweet pointless things that won't offend anyone in any way. I write blog posts sometimes to vent about things going on in my life, but I have about 10 posts saved as drafts that I will NEVER post online, purely because they are written about people or things going on that I don't feel is the internet's business. It's between myself and the other people involved, I don't need to tell the whole world about it. I feel like most people have a filter, allowing certain aspects of their life to be shared with others, but filtering out the things that maybe the world shouldn't see.

Indirect tweets and Facebook statuses. The way I see it, is if you don't want to say something to someone's face, why would you then post it on the internet, allowing not just the person its aimed at, but ANYONE, to see it? I've had many tweets and even blog posts written about me over the last 6 months or so, for reasons I've made a point of not posting online, purely because even I have respect for the person involved. Even though we may not be close now, I can't deny that when we were, they were a big part of my life that I wouldn't erase. Because of that, no matter what's happened recently, I wouldn't write explicitly about it on the internet because I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings or make them feel like shit. But some people don't share that view.

I understand that people like to vent or rant about things, but in my opinion, that's what friends are for; to rant to, without the whole world seeing. You may be able to delete some things, but there's no guarantee that the person it's aimed at wouldn't see it. Just remember, the internet is forever...

Vulnerability

I’ve been struggling for the last few months with the feeling of vulnerability. Not wanting to do or say certain things so that I don’t have to feel like the “weak one”, even though me holding back doesn’t stop me from actually wanting to say or do those things. I’m still vulnerable on the inside, it just doesn’t show as much on the outside - who am I kidding, it still shows!

I was reading Hannah’s blog post about coping with a breakup, and I’ve never related to a post this much before. Not only did it remind me of how I felt after my breakup over the summer, but also how I still feel now, even though we’ve been back together since September.

Feeling so attached to one person is scary. It was scary when our relationship ended, as I felt like I’d lost a huge part of myself, but it’s still scary now. To think that I’m sharing my life with this one guy, who I can’t even be sure feels as strongly about me as I do him, just makes me worry that it could all shatter, just like it did last time. Maybe even more so.

Investing so many feelings and emotions into one person makes you vulnerable. It makes every tiny thing bigger than it actually is. If he doesn’t text you back, it makes you worry that he’s losing interest. If he doesn’t talk to you as much as you’d like, it makes you worry that he doesn’t care enough. If he doesn’t tell you how he feels enough, it makes you worry that it’s because he just doesn’t care about you at all.

All of these insignificant worries are all because of vulnerability. Opening your heart to someone can be a truly wonderful thing. It can make you happy beyond belief, to know that you have another half to make up your whole. To have someone that you care so much about that you’d drop the world for them, and know that they’d do the same.

But at the same time, my fear of being vulnerable has prevented me from saying what or doing what I really want to. Maybe it’s a fear of rejection, or a fear of showing how much I care… It’ll leave me exposed…

There’s nothing wrong with letting your guard down and showing people how you feel. You just need to break past that barrier of fear and weakness which unfortunately, is a lot easier said that done.

Take 2: Second Chances

*WARNING: Extremely long, personal post. A cup of tea and a biscuit is recommended while you read*

So this is a post quite personal to me; one I know you nosey people will love to read! Since starting this blog back in June, my love life has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride. There was my break-up post, which is still by far my most viewed post, my just friends one and my second chances post. I’ve shared a lot with you guys, not that I mind of course. For me, blogging is a way to let out my thoughts and feelings in a healthy way, instead of going mental and punching people in the face! I love doing it, and through sharing these personal aspects of my life, I’ve received a lot of positive feedback and support, which I can’t thank you guys enough for.

I’ve also received a lot of questions in comments, tweets and emails regarding my relationship that I haven’t shared with anyone, or even mentioned in posts… Such as, “why would you give a second chance to someone who hurt you?” or “aren’t you worried the exact same thing will happen again?”.

[Now to start with, I’m going to ask that if a certain someone is reading this, (you know exactly who you are), please stop. I know you get a bit nosey, but this is gonna get personal. I also know you’re going to completely ignore this and carry on reading anyway, so don’t blame me when you don’t like reading some parts! *sigh*]

I’ve never thought that second chances were wrong or a bad decision, but it all depends on the situation. I’d like to think that if a guy cheated on me, or hurt me in a bad way, they wouldn’t deserve a second chance. But then again, I’ve never been in that position. For us, we broke up because things just weren’t right. It was too intense for such a short relationship, as are most first year uni relationships, and it got too much for him. At the time, that hurt a lot. But after giving things another go, it makes sense to me. It was too much, too fast, and it wouldn’t have been right for him to string along the relationship just to spare my feelings. In a way, I’m glad things went that way.

The thing that hurt the most wasn’t even the break-up; it was something he did a few weeks after, making me feel like he had completely disregarded my feelings and never gave two shits about me. And to be completely honest, I’d never felt so low before. I cared so much about this guy, and he just took a giant shit on my feelings. Even though we’ve moved past this stage, it still hurts a little to think of that moment and to think that he was the one to make me feel that way.

Anyway, after all of that, we started talking again, and that’s where my just friends post came into play. After a few weeks of talking, things seemed to be back to how we were before we were together, one of my uni best friends, jokes, chit-chat and banter. And then we went back to uni…

If you’re thinking we went back and I leapt straight back into his arms, you’re very wrong. In fact, I had no intention of giving things another go, but after many awkward chats and feelings being thrown around (initiated by him, I might add!), we decided to take things slowly and see how we go. So to answer one of those questions, I took him back because I could see how upset he was, and how much he was regretting things. He’s not the type of guy to wear his heart on his sleeve by any account. In fact, he rarely says how he feels about anything (if you are reading this, you should probably change that a bit! Open up more, k?), so seeing him this distressed about something was a shock to the system. Surely that meant that this was genuine, right?

I never stopped caring about him one little bit, even if he did hurt me, so seeing him like that made it easier for me to give him a second chance. And I’m really glad I did. Circumstances are different this year, making it a lot easier for things to work between us.

To answer the second question, yes, I do worry it could happen again. I’ve invested so many feelings into this relationship that I can’t even describe, feelings I don’t even talk to him about because it makes me feel too vulnerable, so of course I worry sometimes. When we’re back home for the holidays is when the worrying is at its worst, basically because we barely see each other, and he likes to do his own thing when at home. And I’m absolutely fine with that. The last thing I want is someone on my back constantly, texting me 24/7 to find out what I’m up to. But if I don’t hear from him for a while, I worry that he’s losing interest and just doesn’t want to talk to me; or if he does talk to me and I get crappy replies, I worry that he just doesn’t care enough to make conversation. When really, the answer’s probably a lot simpler than that. But even though I know that, it doesn’t stop me worrying in the slightest. The littlest thing makes me wonder whether or not he cares. But asking for these things isn't my way of being clingy, it's just for a piece of mind; to me, it's him showing that he cares. My friends and family worry for me, and constantly check with me how he’s acting towards me. It’s not exactly a secret that they’re not his biggest fans… But no matter how much I tell them that it’s fine, that worry is always at the back of my mind, but it’s easy to push past that for the times when he makes up for it.

So to end this extremely long post, I’ll say this: If you’re considering giving someone you care about a second chance, think of this. What did they do? Is it something you can move past? Do you see a positive outlook if you do decide to go for it? If the answer to both of these is yes, than why not just go for it? It can be difficult, and there’s bound to be times where you worry the same thing could happen again, but if you care enough about each other, it can work out. Second chances aren’t always a bad thing. In fact, in a lot of cases, they’re better than the first time round.

The Quiet Place Project

This post is a little different than usual. Instead of a random life story, I'm going to introduce you all to one of my favourite websites. I first saw someone post a link on Twitter, and I've never seen anything like this before.

The Quite Place Project is the most relaxing, calming website I've ever experienced. It allows you to stop for a minute, and just be with your thoughts, without checking your phone for messages, or scrolling through all the pointless statuses on Facebook. To me, it's perfection. 

I'm one of those people that reply on technology way too much. Where I'm a student, and spend the majority of time in my room, I've become extremely reliant on the internet. Whether it's browsing through the many social networking sites, watching TV shows or films on Netflix, or even shopping, I spend way too much time doing pointless things. This website allows me to take a little time away from that, to just relax. 

There are different "rooms" within the website: the quiet place, the 90 seconds relaxation exercise, the thoughts room, the dawn room and the comfort spot. 

Although each room is amazing, my favourite is without a doubt the thoughts room. As I'm sure you're all aware, I'm one of those people that overthink everything. Even the simplest things, I will overthink. I mean, why else did I start this blog? I needed somewhere where I could vent all of my thoughts and feelings so I wouldn't feel like I was going to implode! The thoughts room helps me to somewhat tackle this issue. There is a status bar, where you can write any thoughts or emotions that are going through your head. And as you type, you watch the words beautifully explode into stars, allowing them to escape your mind, even if only for a little while. I encourage you all to try it; its simplicity works beautifully. 

I don't think enough people know about this website, and it definitely deserves more recognition. It's helped me to feel more relaxed when I've been stressed or overthinking again, and I guarantee it'll help you out too. 

Public vs. Private

I never used to be a very public person. I was always to quiet, shy kid in the corner, and even though I had a really close group of friends, I still didn’t tell them things about my private life that I didn’t feel the need to. In fact, one of my friends stopped talking to me for a week because she found out I liked a boy and hadn’t told her (oh the joys of secondary school).

But since moving away to university, I have a whole new found confidence, and I’ve completely come out of my shell. Apparently coming out of my shell means I have no issues telling anyone anything about my life! I’m not saying that’s necessarily a bad thing – it’s always good to share your feelings, and have people that you can talk to about anything that goes through your head.

But sometimes I feel like there should always be an element of privacy in your life. For example, if the littlest thing happens to me, or a thought goes through my head, the first thing I do is tell one of the girls. Usually in essay text messages (which I’m sure they love me for, by the way!).

I know that complaining about all this is contradicted by the fact that I write down any feelings I have into this very blog. But then again, I feel like this is a therapeutic way of doing things. It also allows random people of the internet who may be experiencing similar situations, feel like they’re not so alone. For example, I was reading Hannah’s blog the other night (which I highly recommend, by the way. She’s brilliant!), and she had written a similar post to my break up post that I wrote a few weeks ago. Just knowing that one other person is experiencing something similar, makes it that little bit easier.

I’m not saying you should tell everyone absolutely everything that goes through your head, but sometimes, a problem shared is a problem halved. It’s not a weakness to show people how you feel, and in the end, if it lifts some of the weight off your shoulder, surely that’s worth it?