Take 2: Second Chances

*WARNING: Extremely long, personal post. A cup of tea and a biscuit is recommended while you read*

So this is a post quite personal to me; one I know you nosey people will love to read! Since starting this blog back in June, my love life has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride. There was my break-up post, which is still by far my most viewed post, my just friends one and my second chances post. I’ve shared a lot with you guys, not that I mind of course. For me, blogging is a way to let out my thoughts and feelings in a healthy way, instead of going mental and punching people in the face! I love doing it, and through sharing these personal aspects of my life, I’ve received a lot of positive feedback and support, which I can’t thank you guys enough for.

I’ve also received a lot of questions in comments, tweets and emails regarding my relationship that I haven’t shared with anyone, or even mentioned in posts… Such as, “why would you give a second chance to someone who hurt you?” or “aren’t you worried the exact same thing will happen again?”.

[Now to start with, I’m going to ask that if a certain someone is reading this, (you know exactly who you are), please stop. I know you get a bit nosey, but this is gonna get personal. I also know you’re going to completely ignore this and carry on reading anyway, so don’t blame me when you don’t like reading some parts! *sigh*]

I’ve never thought that second chances were wrong or a bad decision, but it all depends on the situation. I’d like to think that if a guy cheated on me, or hurt me in a bad way, they wouldn’t deserve a second chance. But then again, I’ve never been in that position. For us, we broke up because things just weren’t right. It was too intense for such a short relationship, as are most first year uni relationships, and it got too much for him. At the time, that hurt a lot. But after giving things another go, it makes sense to me. It was too much, too fast, and it wouldn’t have been right for him to string along the relationship just to spare my feelings. In a way, I’m glad things went that way.

The thing that hurt the most wasn’t even the break-up; it was something he did a few weeks after, making me feel like he had completely disregarded my feelings and never gave two shits about me. And to be completely honest, I’d never felt so low before. I cared so much about this guy, and he just took a giant shit on my feelings. Even though we’ve moved past this stage, it still hurts a little to think of that moment and to think that he was the one to make me feel that way.

Anyway, after all of that, we started talking again, and that’s where my just friends post came into play. After a few weeks of talking, things seemed to be back to how we were before we were together, one of my uni best friends, jokes, chit-chat and banter. And then we went back to uni…

If you’re thinking we went back and I leapt straight back into his arms, you’re very wrong. In fact, I had no intention of giving things another go, but after many awkward chats and feelings being thrown around (initiated by him, I might add!), we decided to take things slowly and see how we go. So to answer one of those questions, I took him back because I could see how upset he was, and how much he was regretting things. He’s not the type of guy to wear his heart on his sleeve by any account. In fact, he rarely says how he feels about anything (if you are reading this, you should probably change that a bit! Open up more, k?), so seeing him this distressed about something was a shock to the system. Surely that meant that this was genuine, right?

I never stopped caring about him one little bit, even if he did hurt me, so seeing him like that made it easier for me to give him a second chance. And I’m really glad I did. Circumstances are different this year, making it a lot easier for things to work between us.

To answer the second question, yes, I do worry it could happen again. I’ve invested so many feelings into this relationship that I can’t even describe, feelings I don’t even talk to him about because it makes me feel too vulnerable, so of course I worry sometimes. When we’re back home for the holidays is when the worrying is at its worst, basically because we barely see each other, and he likes to do his own thing when at home. And I’m absolutely fine with that. The last thing I want is someone on my back constantly, texting me 24/7 to find out what I’m up to. But if I don’t hear from him for a while, I worry that he’s losing interest and just doesn’t want to talk to me; or if he does talk to me and I get crappy replies, I worry that he just doesn’t care enough to make conversation. When really, the answer’s probably a lot simpler than that. But even though I know that, it doesn’t stop me worrying in the slightest. The littlest thing makes me wonder whether or not he cares. But asking for these things isn't my way of being clingy, it's just for a piece of mind; to me, it's him showing that he cares. My friends and family worry for me, and constantly check with me how he’s acting towards me. It’s not exactly a secret that they’re not his biggest fans… But no matter how much I tell them that it’s fine, that worry is always at the back of my mind, but it’s easy to push past that for the times when he makes up for it.

So to end this extremely long post, I’ll say this: If you’re considering giving someone you care about a second chance, think of this. What did they do? Is it something you can move past? Do you see a positive outlook if you do decide to go for it? If the answer to both of these is yes, than why not just go for it? It can be difficult, and there’s bound to be times where you worry the same thing could happen again, but if you care enough about each other, it can work out. Second chances aren’t always a bad thing. In fact, in a lot of cases, they’re better than the first time round.