So the typical story goes: boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, a relationship starts to blossom, and after a few months, they say their "I love you"'s, and everything's good. Mine and Mr T's story has always been a little... unconventional...
Boy meets girl, boy tells girl he likes her, girl says she has a boyfriend. Boy and girl stay friends, but after a while, girl starts to feel a little something for boy. Girl ends her relationship, and after a few weeks, boy and girl start seeing each other, making things official after about a month. Boy and girl are happy. Girl starts to realise that boy isn't happy anymore, so they end things. Boy and girl talk a little, before boy pisses off girl, and girl almost does something she'd regret to piss off boy in return. Although girl didn't do the bad thing, she tells boy anyway, and somehow this becomes a way for them to be friends again. Boy and girl come back to uni, and start seeing each other again. Things are rocky for a while, with no real definition of their relationship. Girl falls in love with boy, but boy seems indifferent. Christmas gives their relationship a definition, but boy still seems indifferent to girl. Girl finds herself getting upset over everything because she knows her feelings are a lot stronger than boy's. Boy does something little that really upsets girl, forcing her mind to bring up every little thing he's ever done, and pushes her over the edge. Girl goes crazy and gives boy an ultimatum. Boy gets his act together, and both are happy. Girl brings up the "I love you" issue, and asks why boy can't feel those things back. Boy tells girl that he's happy as he is, and he doesn't want to ruin their relationship by moving too fast. Girl thinks this is bullshit, but keeps her thoughts to herself for a while, before asking again a few months later. Boy tells girl he thinks he loves her, but won't say anything until he knows for sure. This makes girl happy. Until it's been another 3 months and boy still hasn't said anything. Girl tells boy outright that she loves him, and boy replies that that is the cutest thing he's ever heard. Girl is upset that boy still couldn't say it back. While drunk, boy tells girl he doesn't love her, whilst laughing. Girl asks boy the next day if that's true. Boy replies that he wouldn't say it's true, but he also wouldn't say that he 100% does love her. Girl is upset. Boy goes home for the weekend, still leaving the issue unsolved.
This was two weeks ago now. Imagine you were in my position. You've been in love with this guy for over a year, and you've been waiting the entire time for him to say it back... And it just never came. Imagine that it gets to the point where you start to think about your worth. That no matter how much you care about this guy, you know you deserve to be loved in return, and that if this guy can't give you that love, maybe you need to give up, and find someone who can. You think about how much you've compromised for this man, how many times you've let things slide, and that if he still can't love you, that glimmer of hope you've been holding onto for the last year, has gone out. You prepare yourself for an emotional, in depth conversation that could end one of two ways, and then...
A knock on your bedroom door surprised you, and Mr. T. walks in, with chocolate, Mountain Dew, and a determined look on his face. He closes the door, pulls you in for a cuddle, and says that he's been thinking about it on the train back, and for once, there have been no thoughts of doubt. No little voice in his head saying that he doesn't love me. And then he says it. The one thing you've been waiting to hear for over a year. I love you.
I'll admit, my reaction was more shocked than anything. I didn't run, crying into his arms. I gave an awkward kiss and a cuddle and put on Netflix. Maybe my reaction would have been more emotional if I hadn't have spent the last 4 days angrily thinking of reasons why we maybe shouldn't be together anymore. But it had an impact. Those thoughts are gone now. I'm happy, and for once, there's no voice in my head pestering me that he's not committed to us.
Now I'm not saying that, now he's finally said I love you, we're gonna be together forever, get married, and have kids. Who knows how long our relationship will last. That's not meaning to sound negative, but life is so unpredictable, it throws so many twists and turns, you never know how long things will last. I mean I don't even know how we're gonna cope past graduation this summer!
But I do know that right now, I feel relaxed. I feel happy. And I feel loved. Which is all that really matters, right?
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