Rose Tinted Spectacles

When you’re in a relationship with someone, things can get pretty intense. Especially if you’re away from home, at university, for example. Uni relationships (in the first year at least) can be pretty unhealthy. Because you both live in such close proximity, there isn’t the element of space that’s needed in real relationships. You see each other all the time, so feelings get a lot stronger, a lot quicker. This was the case in my last relationship, and even though I’m still not over it, my emotions have recently turned from upset to anger (which I much prefer, if I’m honest!), and I realised that our relationship was nowhere near as great as I thought it was. There was a lot wrong with it, but because of how much I loved and cared about him, I was seeing our relationship through rose tinted spectacles, ignoring the things that were wrong and enhancing the good parts.

After we broke up, I spent any free time I had sitting around moping, because I just didn’t see how things could have possibly gone so wrong. It wasn’t until something happened a couple of days ago (I shan’t go into any grimy details, but it angered me a LOT!) that the anger kicked in, and I really started to think about our relationship.

I realised it was never perfect at all. I think that the fact we were good friends first of all made me ignore some of his qualities that aren’t good in a relationship. And he never changed those qualities in order to make it work between us (which makes sense as to how we got to this point!). My good friend Melisa (go read her blog, it’s great!) told me to create a pros and cons list over our lunch date, and honestly? I felt so much better about the break up after this.

 I realised that the kind of guy he is right now, as much as it makes him a good friend, it wasn't right for a relationship. Not the kind of relationship that I want, anyway. If any of you are experiencing a break up, I’d definitely recommend a pros and cons list. It makes you think about things that you overlooked before, that, because you were so in love with this person, you didn’t see them as an issue. It made me realise that despite the fact he did make me happy at one point, the last few weeks of our relationship, I was miserable. I wasn’t myself at all, and it felt as if my entire happiness revolved around this one guy. It’s only now that I’ve come to realise that ending things was the best thing for us, and now I can finally go back to being the strong “I don’t need a guy to make me happy” girl I was before.  

Public vs. Private

I never used to be a very public person. I was always to quiet, shy kid in the corner, and even though I had a really close group of friends, I still didn’t tell them things about my private life that I didn’t feel the need to. In fact, one of my friends stopped talking to me for a week because she found out I liked a boy and hadn’t told her (oh the joys of secondary school).

But since moving away to university, I have a whole new found confidence, and I’ve completely come out of my shell. Apparently coming out of my shell means I have no issues telling anyone anything about my life! I’m not saying that’s necessarily a bad thing – it’s always good to share your feelings, and have people that you can talk to about anything that goes through your head.

But sometimes I feel like there should always be an element of privacy in your life. For example, if the littlest thing happens to me, or a thought goes through my head, the first thing I do is tell one of the girls. Usually in essay text messages (which I’m sure they love me for, by the way!).

I know that complaining about all this is contradicted by the fact that I write down any feelings I have into this very blog. But then again, I feel like this is a therapeutic way of doing things. It also allows random people of the internet who may be experiencing similar situations, feel like they’re not so alone. For example, I was reading Hannah’s blog the other night (which I highly recommend, by the way. She’s brilliant!), and she had written a similar post to my break up post that I wrote a few weeks ago. Just knowing that one other person is experiencing something similar, makes it that little bit easier.

I’m not saying you should tell everyone absolutely everything that goes through your head, but sometimes, a problem shared is a problem halved. It’s not a weakness to show people how you feel, and in the end, if it lifts some of the weight off your shoulder, surely that’s worth it?

50 Random Facts About Me!

I've seen this tag going around, so I thought I'd do it, to let you guys know a little bit more of the random side of me!

1. My favourite film is either Fight Club or Psycho.

2. I have an irrational fear of birds! If there's a bird in my way, I will walk around that shit!

3. I eat dry Cheerios like it’s popcorn.

4. My due date was Christmas day, and so was my brother's. I was born 9 days early, and he was born 9 days late!

5. I wish I could play acoustic guitar. 

6. I’m a quarter Indian, but I’m pale and blonde!

7. I am a massive Harry Potter nerd.

8. I love fashion, but can never afford to buy new clothes!

9. I’ve only ever had 2 pet hamsters, Tinker & Digger. I'd love a dog though!

10. I have never been admitted into hospital since birth.

11. I can’t sleep with my door open.

12. I have 1 brother, 1 sister, 2 half brothers, 1 half sister and 3 stepsisters. Most of which, I never see :/

13. I can’t whistle.

14. I used to want to be a fashion designer.

15. Smoking is my biggest turn off. I don’t wanna kiss an ashtray, thank you very much!

16. My first crush was the cartoon Peter Pan. I was 5.

17. I’ve never been unhealthy, but I’ve always been underweight.

18. I have never dyed my hair.

19. I have never smoked.

20. I don’t like my name, but I like the way it's spelt. 

21. I love writing long, essay texts to people.

22. I can forgive, but I never forget.

23. I LOVE Marvel!

24. I still have my first teddy bear.

25. When I was 8, I choked on a cherry drop sweet and can’t swallow tablets properly since then.

26. I’m easily jealous.

27. The Despicable Me minions make me incredibly happy.

28. In my first week of uni, I set fire to some pasta. Not burnt, set fire. 

29. I overthink everything.

30. I go to uni, but still have no idea what I want to do.

31. I sometimes get into random moods where I get stupidly emotional and want to be alone, for no reason at all.

32. When I fall for someone, I fall hard.

33. I used to LOVE French until my first year of A Levels, when I failed miserably. I can't remember a thing now!

34. I almost got abducted when I was 17.

35. I cut my hair into a bob when I was 15 – worst decision ever!

36. I was always the shy, quiet kid in school.

37. Uni has brought me completely out of my shell, and shaped me into who I am.

38. I would love to go to Hawaii above anywhere else in the world.

39. I physically can’t cry in front of people, but when I’m on my own, I get ridiculously emotional.

40. I’ve seen McFly 5 times in concert.

41. Alcohol gives me confidence.

42. Half my family is in Bolton, the other half in Cornwall. I never see them.

43. I find it really hard to tell people how I really feel, but when I do, it’s a huge relief.

44. I was a dancer from the age of 3 to 17.

45. I excessively use punctuation marks.

46. I once had a shard of glass stuck in my toe for 3 months.

47. If I could have one superpower, it would be the ability to teleport.

48. I’m a sucker for a nice smile.

49. Wearing heels gives me so much more confidence.

50. I’ve had 3 other blogs in the past, but this is the first one I’ve kept, and actually been proud of.

Those are my random facts! I'd love to see some of yours! Leave a link in the comments if you choose to do this tag!