Blogmas Day 8: Stress

For today's post, I thought I'd get a little deep with you guys. I won't lie to you, the last few weeks have proved majorly stressful for me. The pressures of "the future" have gotten a little too high, and I've realised just how quickly things have come around. 

I've got 4 months until my final essay for university is due in, and 7 months until my graduation. I've known for a while that I wanted to do a PGCE course after uni to become a primary school teacher, so the last few weeks have been a rush of completing uni deadlines, writing my UCAS teacher application, making sure my references are completed, and booking skills tests (before you can undertake the course, you have to have completed a Literacy and Numeracy skills test). To be frank, it's been utter chaos. I've never been used to this much pressure at one time. What if I'm not accepted? I have no backup at all, as much as I love it at home, there's no way I want to go back to living with my parents. 

With Christmas around the corner, I was expecting to be full of festive cheer, not struggling to find old GCSE certificates, spending money on train tickets for interviews and tests, researching current educational issues and curriculums, planning presentations, trying to focus on essays, all while trying to remain cheery for Christmas. It's hard work, and something I wasn't prepared for. 

It scares me; the idea that in just 8 days, I'll be 21. That by January, I'll know whether or not I'll be starting my PGCE in September. That in 6 months, I'll be leaving Canterbury, and all the amazing friends and memories that I've made here, not knowing how long Mr T and I will last outside of uni. That in September, all going well, that I will be starting a year-long intense teacher training course that will see the beginning of my planned career. That in 18 months, I may become a qualified teacher, and enter the "working world"... It's all hit me at once, and it's made me realise that I'm really not prepared for these changes. 

I don't want to grow up... 

I promise tomorrow will be more of a cheery post, but I just needed to vent a little. 

My degree choice

When we got given the topic of film for the #2014BloggerChallenge, I was immediately drawn to writing about my chosen university degree. For those of you who don't know, I do Film Studies at the University of Kent, a decision that I do not regret in the slightest! But even though I love my course, whenever I mention it, I still get sniggers from people who state that it's not a "real degree".

Sure, Film may not be as standard a degree as say, a science or Maths degree, but why does that make it any less valid? Of course a Maths or Science degree would be necessary to get into a career in that industry, but I've never had any interest in that field, so why would I choose to intensely study something for 3 years that I absolutely hate?

I was never 100% certain of what career path I wanted to go into. All I knew was that I had a passion for the creative subjects like English, Media and Film (all of which ended up being my 3 A-Level subjects!). Teaching was always a career option for me (that I'm choosing to pursue currently), but I only needed to do a PGCE (Post-Grad Certificate of Education - a year-long course, half spent studying, half placed in a school) after I had completed an undergraduate degree. So really, I could have picked any degree that I wanted, as long as I would be able to provide a suitable explanation for my choice when applying for PGCE courses.

I'm a firm believer of doing what you love, not what you think you should do. University has such a big effect of your life, it would be stupid to spend it doing something you hate, surely? For me, Film was something I loved to explore; analysing the meanings behind them, in some cases comparing them to the books they were adapted from, even creating my own film projects. It's something I really enjoy, so why should I be belittled because of that? If I'm going to pay a ridiculous amount of money for a degree, you can be damn sure I'm gonna enjoy it!

Home Is Where The Heart Is

I have been SUCH a bad blogger recently. I haven't posted in a bout 2 weeks, and I even missed the last #2014BloggerChallenge topic. So to make up for it, I'm posting this week's challenge a little early (and the fact that I've had such a good weekend I feel the need to write about it!).

This week's challenge is to show my week/day in pictures. I opted for the weekend instead, as I spent the weekend visiting my hometown for Mother's Day. I have a very love/hate relationship with this place. I live on the border of East London/Essex, in a pretty shoddy area! I mean, they say that the public transport is amazing, but when I opted to walk home instead of waiting 7 minutes for a bus from the station, not one single bus had passed me on the 20 minute walk. Win for me. Loss for TFL.

I got the 12:25 train on Friday from Canterbury to Stratford International, and had an obligatory stop at Westfield on my walk through to the other station, where I bought some loooooverly flowers for my mum (I also cut them and put them in a vase for when she got home!).

After a little bit of retail therapy, I got the train to my local station, and walked the 20 minutes home, with just my music and this cat for company!

Some of the best things about this walk is seeing the TFL bus stops and buses, instead of the regular ones in Canterbury, There's just something about a red bus... And of course, the out-of-business Blockbusters shop that's been closed for the last 5 years and still hasn't been replaced!

One of my favourite things about being home, is the big TV in the living room, and the ability to watch programmes other than what's on Freeview. In my case, that's non-stop Friends episodes on Comedy Central! 

After spending a mere hour in the comfort of my home, I was rushed out to a night of yet more retail therapy to Lakeside (and IKEA!) with some of my favourite people from home; my friends Rebekah, Jaymi, Sophia & Jordan. Believe me when I say we're a very strange group of friends...

After taking our #100HappyDays pictures for the day (you can check out my progress on my Instagram page!) , I got one of my favourite smoothies from Boost, Strawberry Squeeze, which I always miss very dearly when I'm at uni! It's like a fruit party in your mouth!

After a long day of travelling and shopping, I turned in for the night in my childhood bedroom. Although I'm now used to the luxury of a double bed at uni, there's something comforting about sleeping in your old room...

I was picked up on Saturday morning by Sophia, where we treated ourselves to ANOTHER shopping trip! Apparently I was feeling quite frivolous this weekend! Though I did buy some really lovely summery things... And Marvel... 

We then got Chinese in the evening and watched Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway (a weekly tradition when I was younger!), and evened out the junk food with a yummy bowl of strawberries and cream! 

And now for Sunday: Mother's Day! My sister couldn't make it down until Monday, so me and my brother took my Mum to Westfield for something to eat. We decided on the Chicago Rib Shack, which is basically an American diner-style takeaway that specialises in BBQ food (ribs, chicken wings and burgers!). I ordered ribs and wings with homemade lemonade. Honestly, it baffled me that it was part of a food court - it was worthy of being a real restaurant!

I had such a lovely weekend at home - I hadn't been back since Christmas! As much as I love uni, it's nice to just get away from that atmosphere for a while, and spend some quality time with my old friends and family. I also managed to get my mum involved in some selfies! ;)

How did you spend your weekend? I hope it was as lovely as mine was! 

The Butterfly Effect

After getting back home from an amazing weekend with friends from home AND uni, for some reason, I began to think of The Butterfly Effect, and how one tiny change in your past could affect your entire future. One small change could make everything different.

What would have happened if I didn't get accepted into Kent, but got my second choice uni of Essex? I would have had a completely different set of friends, and not one detail of the last year and a half of my life would be the same. 

What if I didn't meet my now housemate on Twitter before we moved to Kent? We weren't in any of the same seminars, so it would be unlikely that we would have met at uni, but I also wouldn't have met any of the people she introduced me to, who have become some of my favourite people in the world. 

What if I chose not to go to uni? I might still be with my ex, I might have had a full time job, thinking of moving away from home, who knows! 

What if a certain man-friend got into his first choice university instead of Kent? Although our relationship hasn't been the most straightforward of the bunch, the last year of my life would have been completely different! Maybe I would have been in a different relationship, or maybe I would have had a chance to be single at uni. 

All of the ones I thought of were to do with uni, but there are so many what ifs that could have completely changed who I am now. I suppose what I'm trying to say is, think about your decisions carefully, because who knows, one tiny decision that might seem insignificant at the time, could be a huge game changer to your life. 

Let's go back to mine...

I’ve always been a sucker for room décor, but I’ve never really had the space or opportunity to make up a room exactly how I want to. With my bedroom at home, there were always timing issues that stopped me from redecorating. There was my sister moving out, exams, and by the time I was able to redecorate, I only had a few weeks left before starting university. With my room in uni accommodation last year, I was limited as to what I could do with the space, as there were many rules we weren’t allowed to break. I never felt like it was really my own space.

Whereas now, I’ve moved into rented accommodation, which to me, feels more like a home. I’m able to do what I want with the space, within reason of course, and I’m finally happy with it.

I love being nosy and looking at other people’s rooms, so I thought I’d give you lovely people the opportunity to have a sneaky look at mine! Let’s get intimate!

A Failed Summer

Having finally received the key to my new house through my door this morning, I’ve been overwhelmed by the excitement of going back to university in 2 weeks. In fact, I’d go as far to say that I’m even more excited to go back than I was last year, when everything was completely new.

To tell you the truth, this summer has been shit. What, at the start of June, promised to be a summer of catching up with friends, visiting the boyfriend, and the prospect of a summer job, turned out to be me sitting at home all day, with no job, no boyfriend, and no money. Joyous, right?

I’ve caught up with my friends a couple of times, sure, but for the most part, while I’m stuck at home, most of my friends are always busy with work or boyfriends, and when they do want to go out, it always involves money, which I have none of!

I had 3 job interviews over the course of summer, and obviously, was unsuccessful for them all. What is it that makes me so unemployable? Is it my fault that the 3 jobs I have had were only 1 month contracts? I’ve had experience in retail and childcare, so it’s not like I’m completely limited. Maybe I’m just disliked by employers…

And of course, the inevitable “no boyfriend” moaning. Instead of me spending the summer visiting him in Cambridgeshire (which, in the end, saved me travel money. So thanks for that, I guess!), I spent it sat at home, moping about how much I miss the bastard. How perfect.

Maybe the reason I’m so excited to go back, is because this time, I know I have some amazing friends to go back and spend time with, some really lovely girls to live with, and of course, my beautiful student loan to live off! I’ll finally get back my nights out, and perhaps the best: a double bed! All hail the second year perks!

Be prepared for some uni-life blog posts in the coming weeks!

Shifting the "Essex Girl" stigma.

I've lived in Essex my entire life. I love being in such close proximity to London, without being completely immersed in the hustle and bustle the magnificent city brings. I've always known about the stereotypical image that coming from Essex gives us, but until I came to university, it was never an issue for me.

The main culprit of this "Essex girl image" is none other than the show TOWIE. The Only Way Is Essex provides the public with this "entertainment", showing us the lives of real Essex folk. Real meaning fake, of course!

Fake tan, vajazzles, that goddamn "I'm from Essex so I'm going to speak like a complete fool" accent, it all adds up to my complete annoyance at the show, providing the public with a completely false representation of the county I come from. It embarrasses me that people associate me with this show.

When I went to the University of Kent for my first year in September 2012, I was overwhelmed by the amount of people that said they could tell I'm from Essex. I neither look nor sound like a stereotypical Essex girl. I never have. Friends back home always tell me I sound "posh", not like I'm from Essex. Maybe it's that I just don't sound that Essex-y that people at home don't notice it, but people from other parts of the country can.

Whatever the case, I am definitely not a stereotypical Essex girl. I've never used fake tan or dyed my hair, I do not plaster my face in make up (in fact, the only times I ever actually wear the stuff, is on a night out!), and I don't talk as if I have lost half of my brain cells.

I'd love to hear from my fellow Essex girls! Do you guys have the same issue? Or do you embrace your inner Essex?