The Future Is Scary...

It's just turned midnight, and I was lying in bed when all of these random thoughts started popping into my head. All of which involve the future. 

The future is a scary thought, but it can also be exciting. In just a few short weeks, I will embark on the journey to become a primary school teacher. If that's not enough to scare someone, I don't know what is. It's a year long course that will determine my potential career path. If I pass, I'll become a Newly Qualified Teacher, and a year after that, I'll be fully qualified. And if I don't pass... well, I don't have a clue what I'll do with my life. 

Say for argument's sake, I do pass. I'll be a teacher to children from the ages of 3 to 11. I'll be a role model... And that freaks me out. Kids will look to me to help them to learn, potentially come to me for help or advice, and that's scary. 

If I pass, I'll be able to afford to move out of my mum's house, out of shared accommodation, and into a place of my own. Even though it's still a year away, I've been looking at flats and houses within my price range, looking at furniture shops and Pinterest for ideas on how I could really make a place my own (a fireplace and a bay window are of course, preferable). And even though I've always wanted a place of my own, it's nerve-wracking to think that it'll actually be mine. 

There's so many things I'd like to do in the future. I'd love to get married one day, but again, the thought is so scary right now, and if Mr T popped the question tomorrow, I'd freak out and panic. It's an exciting thought for the future, but for right now, I'm happy where we are! 

The same goes for kids. I'm sure when I'm older, I'll decide I want children, but like hell could I have one anytime soon! I don't believe that anyone should have a child if they don't have the time, funds or motivation to raise it properly. 

I'd like to have my own car, but I'm currently still waiting for my provisional licence to turn up so I can actually start my lessons! That's gonna have to wait a while! 

This post has been a bit rambly, but I guess the point of this is that yes, the future is such a scary thought. It can freak you out to think how quickly and how much your life can change. But at the same time, it can be so exciting to sit and think about what you'd want to change at some point, whether it be next week, next year, or in 10 years! 

What are you excited to happen in your own future? I'd love to hear! 

Blogmas Day 8: Stress

For today's post, I thought I'd get a little deep with you guys. I won't lie to you, the last few weeks have proved majorly stressful for me. The pressures of "the future" have gotten a little too high, and I've realised just how quickly things have come around. 

I've got 4 months until my final essay for university is due in, and 7 months until my graduation. I've known for a while that I wanted to do a PGCE course after uni to become a primary school teacher, so the last few weeks have been a rush of completing uni deadlines, writing my UCAS teacher application, making sure my references are completed, and booking skills tests (before you can undertake the course, you have to have completed a Literacy and Numeracy skills test). To be frank, it's been utter chaos. I've never been used to this much pressure at one time. What if I'm not accepted? I have no backup at all, as much as I love it at home, there's no way I want to go back to living with my parents. 

With Christmas around the corner, I was expecting to be full of festive cheer, not struggling to find old GCSE certificates, spending money on train tickets for interviews and tests, researching current educational issues and curriculums, planning presentations, trying to focus on essays, all while trying to remain cheery for Christmas. It's hard work, and something I wasn't prepared for. 

It scares me; the idea that in just 8 days, I'll be 21. That by January, I'll know whether or not I'll be starting my PGCE in September. That in 6 months, I'll be leaving Canterbury, and all the amazing friends and memories that I've made here, not knowing how long Mr T and I will last outside of uni. That in September, all going well, that I will be starting a year-long intense teacher training course that will see the beginning of my planned career. That in 18 months, I may become a qualified teacher, and enter the "working world"... It's all hit me at once, and it's made me realise that I'm really not prepared for these changes. 

I don't want to grow up... 

I promise tomorrow will be more of a cheery post, but I just needed to vent a little.