Emotional Attachment

Ooooh, it's been a while, hasn't it! Complaining about relationship issues was my favourite topic until things started to run smoothly! It's not that I'm writing this to complain exactly, but more to vent my frustrations.

My relationship with Mr. T. is a little... unconventional, I suppose. Unlike most couples I know, we don't talk everyday; something that used to bother me a lot. It made me feel like he didn't care about me enough to ask how I was, or to see what I was up to, or even just to chat for the sake of chatting to his girlfriend. And then I'd do that stupid girl thing and look at when he was last online on Facebook and WhatsApp (stalking sessions are the best) and find out that he'd been talking to his friends perfectly fine, or absent-mindedly scrolling though his newsfeed to pass the time, but couldn't find any spare moment in the day to talk to me. I mean long-distance relationships are hard enough already without the added annoyance of one half's neglect for communication (I'm not just talking texts here: phone calls, Skype, WhatsApp, FaceBook Messenger, everything). He'd rather spend his free time with his friends or on his PS3, which bothered me immensely before I realised it wasn't that important, as long as there wasn't huge gaps between talking, and when we did talk, there was actual conversation there, not just pointless chatter.

We've both been really happy for the last few months. But as I mentioned, our relationship isn't as standard as most. With me, it takes a while for me to trust someone, to be able to let them into my life in such a big way. But when I do, I open up fully to them. And I really begin to fall for them. The big L-O-V-E. Mr. T. on the other hand, has always been a closed book. We've been together for over a year (not including our blip last year), but he's never been able to fully open up, never been able to say those words to me, because he's scared of emotional attachment.

And the thing that bothers me is that he won't tell me exactly what it is that's so hard to let himself go, to feel these emotions that everyone else seems perfectly capable of feeling after a certain time. I know that him not being able to feel these things doesn't lessen how much he cares about me, but still, I can't say that it doesn't bother me, because it really does. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who you love entirely, even through all their faults and annoyances, who you know no other girl would put up with... but who, for some reason, can't reciprocate that same emotion.

I don't want this to give the impression that I'm in a bad relationship, because I'm really not. We're both the happiest we've ever been together. It's just when we're apart for long periods of time, it makes me think about these things a lot more than I would normally. It's just a little shitty, I guess...

The Issues With Social Media

I love social media. I love scrolling through various timelines to see what people have been up to (I'm nosy like that!), and reading and writing blog posts about things that are on our minds. Social media's a great place to share things with friends or even strangers; thoughts, feelings, photos, videos, anything! But there comes a point where some people share too much. When too much is shared, where anyone in the world can see it.

Besides writing about my relationships, I'm always extremely careful as to what I choose to post online. I rarely write Facebook statuses, and only tweet pointless things that won't offend anyone in any way. I write blog posts sometimes to vent about things going on in my life, but I have about 10 posts saved as drafts that I will NEVER post online, purely because they are written about people or things going on that I don't feel is the internet's business. It's between myself and the other people involved, I don't need to tell the whole world about it. I feel like most people have a filter, allowing certain aspects of their life to be shared with others, but filtering out the things that maybe the world shouldn't see.

Indirect tweets and Facebook statuses. The way I see it, is if you don't want to say something to someone's face, why would you then post it on the internet, allowing not just the person its aimed at, but ANYONE, to see it? I've had many tweets and even blog posts written about me over the last 6 months or so, for reasons I've made a point of not posting online, purely because even I have respect for the person involved. Even though we may not be close now, I can't deny that when we were, they were a big part of my life that I wouldn't erase. Because of that, no matter what's happened recently, I wouldn't write explicitly about it on the internet because I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings or make them feel like shit. But some people don't share that view.

I understand that people like to vent or rant about things, but in my opinion, that's what friends are for; to rant to, without the whole world seeing. You may be able to delete some things, but there's no guarantee that the person it's aimed at wouldn't see it. Just remember, the internet is forever...