Confusion.

It’s not a secret to us females that men are confusing. But why is that? They’re not a complicated gender. In fact, as a woman, I can say with confidence, that we are a hell of a lot more complicated than men, yet I don’t think we’re confusing in the slightest.

When it comes to finding out what a man wants, it’s near enough impossible. They send out mixed signals, they can bombard you with messages & attention one minute, then completely ignore you the next. They can never be open and just tell us what they want, be it a relationship or not.

I’ve had times when I’ve been talking to a guy, and he’ll seem genuinely interested in how I am, ask loads of questions, and make me feel like he really does want to talk to me, like he actually really cares.

Then the next minute, he’ll send me one word replies, such as “haha” which, of course, completely kills the conversation. To me, that gives the impression that you’re not interested, that you don’t want to continue talking to me.

But then he’ll pop up in conversation while he’s WITH HIS FRIENDS, and ask new questions or start a new conversation when it’s run dry. It might just be my brain over-thinking, but to me, when a guy talks to you while he’s with his friends, there’s more there than just friendship. I’ve been with guys in the past who have openly told me that they won’t speak to me when they’re with their friends. Friend time is guy time, and they don’t want to be texting their girlfriend when they’d rather be spending time with their friends. And I’ve always accepted that. But talking to me for hours while he’s with his friends? That says that he cares.

If there are any guys reading this, seriously: stop messing with our emotions. If you like us, tell us, if you don’t, tell us that too. Don’t leave us to over-think every little detail of our conversations. It’s tiring. Stop being so confusing.

The Break-Up.

I'm not usually one to tell random strangers about my love life (or lack of it, right now!), but since becoming recently single, it's come to my attention that there's not that much on the internet about actual break-ups. I mean of course you get the usual "how to get over him" sites, endless lists of things to do to "get over him".  But really, how often do these things actually work? You don't just read an article telling you to go out and distract yourself and BAM. Instantly over him. Which is partly why I decided to start this blog. Not just as a way to keep myself busy over the long summer, but to document the journey of getting over an ex. It'll also be a sort of therapy for me, a way to rant about the ups and downs of life without having to bore the people in my life!

I met my boyfriend ex *sobs* in my first week of university, as he lived with one of my course-mates. We'll call him Mr X. You think you know where this is going, don't you? You think it was love at first sight and that we started seeing each other right away. Wrong. You see, my little friends, I already had a boyfriend at the time. We'll call him Mr Y. I'd been with Mr Y for 2 years prior to university, and we decided to give it a go long distance, as I went off to Kent, and he moved to Southampton. However, that didn't work too well, and we ended up breaking it off early January. 

Back to September, during my second week of university, I received a text from Mr X, telling me that he liked me. I brushed it off, explaining that I had a boyfriend, and just wanted to be friends. Everything was fine an' dandy! And me and Mr X became good friends. I then found out in December, that he STILL liked me. After 2 months. So naturally, after me and Mr Y broke up, Mr X convinced me to start seeing him in February, and we became a legit couple at the start of March. 

Things went well. Really well. We had our Spring break for a month in April, and we did a visit each to our home towns. It was really lovely. We then went back to uni, as happy as clams. I fell for him in a big way...

The thing about me, is that it takes a lot for me to let people into my lives in such a big way. It's like Shrek explains. Ogres are like onions. I'm like an onion. We both have layers. It takes a lot for me to peel away those layers, as I know that once they are all peeled away, I can get hurt. With Mr Y, it was easy. I liked him first, I did the "chasing" if you will. So it was easy for me to let him into my life. Whereas with Mr X, he liked me for 4 months, he did the chasing. It took a lot for me to peel away those layers, but once I did, I let him into my life completely, and truly loved him. However, this meant that if something he did upset me, it affected me in a big way. All the barriers I had to up prevent myself from getting hurt were knocked down. I was vulnerable. 

Things only started to go wrong in the last few weeks of uni. Tensions were high due to exams, and everybody was stressing out. Mr X seemed distant. He was unaffectionate, and hardly wanted to see me, despite the fact we lived literally a minute away from each other. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that he hasn't been feeling into the relationship the last few days, but that he wasn't going to give up yet, because of how long he'd fought to get me. We gave it until exams were over, and the last week of uni was perfect. We went out for dinner, went to the beach, spent loads of time together, and everything was how it was before. 

However, as soon as we went back home (me to Essex, him to Cambridgeshire), the contact was almost non-existant. And when it was there, it involved me initiating conversation, but getting minimal effort back. I confronted him about it 3 days ago, and asked if it was the same issue as before. He said yes it was, and that he doesn't see it changing. So that was it. The best relationship I've ever been in, over. 

I realise this is an extremely long and depressing post to read, but I'll be posting updates on my situation, how I'm dealing with it, etc. I'm hoping that some of you recently single ladies can relate, and I'd love to hear how you've dealt with similar situations. Or maybe you can post what went wrong in your relationship, and we can all be depressed together!