"Just Friends"?

Since my breakup in the middle of June, I’ve been through a whole sea of emotions, all of which have left me in a slight state of confusion. My relationship was a little different to others I know of, being that we started out as very good friends. In fact, I’d go as far as saying he was one of my best friends at uni before we started seeing each other. So when we broke up, I was left wondering the age-old question; can we ever go back to being “just friends”?

A few friends gave me examples of their past relationships, and how their “just friends” turned out to be friends with benefits, which of course, can only end in disaster. However, they were never friends first. I imagine it’d be hard for anyone to go from a relationship to friendship when it wasn’t built on friendship. They didn’t know what it was like to be friends in the first place.

I did a quick poll on Twitter last night, asking this very question, and I got mixed responses. Some said yes, some said no. One response in particular caught my eye though, which said it is possible to be friends, as long as the relationship isn’t spoken about.

I’m generally quite an emotional person, so when we broke up and agreed to be friends, I swarmed him with drunk “I miss you” messages, which of course, helped nothing at all! It got to the point where he stopped speaking to me completely because he was fed up of talking about feelings which, at the time, I hated him for, but now, I can understand. After all, if you’re trying to get over someone, the last thing you want is to be inundated with messages of how much they miss you.

After a series of other events - I shan’t bore you with the details – we started talking again (no mention of feelings or emotions, though), and we’re basically back to how we were before the relationship. I can talk to him about anything, we can still joke around and have the banter we had before, and I’m genuinely happy that things can go back to that stage.

However, I am a bit dubious. What if keeping him in my life in such a big way is stopping me from moving on? People have told me to cut him out of my life completely, but the thought of that makes me a little bit sick. Yes, it probably is the best thing to do, but I honestly can’t stand the thought of not having him there, as a friend.

Another thing worries me. As we’re in the same friendship group at uni, when we go out, we always go out as a big group. Even though it’d be completely out of character for him, what if I saw him kissing another girl in a club or something? Even though it wouldn’t be my place to tell him not to do those things, I don’t think my heart could take it if I saw him with another girl.

I still haven’t seen him in person since June, and I’m fully prepared for the inevitable awkwardness. But I actually believe that it is possible for us to go back to how we were. Yes, it’s going to be difficult, and I know that there’ll be times where I’ll wish it could be more, but I’m perfectly happy in the knowledge that for now, I have my friend back.