The Problem With Love

As far as relationships go, mine is pretty unconventional. Without counting our blip last summer, Mr T and I have been together for roughly a year and a half, which is pretty damn long! Yet, he's always had an issue with saying certain things.

He's not an emotional person by any means, so trying to get him to tell me what his issue with "I love you" is, has always been something I've struggled with. I mean sure, saying "I love you" for the first time is always hard. Is it the right time? Do I definitely feel that way? Do they feel the same? etc. etc. But when you know for sure that they do, that should make it easier, right?

About 6 months ago, I asked him why he couldn't feel those things. Yes, he cared about me a lot, but sometimes a girl just wants to be loved, and to know why someone can't yet feel that way. At that point, he told me that he thought it was to do with how things were with his ex, and that he's never truly loved anyone in that way before, so he doesn't know what it felt like.

At that point I knew that he didn't love me. They say that you know when you know, and he definitely didn't know.

I didn't bring it up again, but for the next few months after that, there was a huge change in our relationship, and I started to see a real difference in his actions. It seemed like maybe he was starting to feel things more.

About a month ago, I asked him why he's scared of emotional commitment, and I finally got the real answer. He explained that when you say you love someone, everything becomes so much more intense, and if something goes wrong, it's 100 times worse than if you didn't say that.

It's true, of course it is. But why does that have to stop you from saying that you love someone? I spent the weekend with him for his sister's wedding. A weekend surrounded by love and happiness, and all I wanted to do was tell him that I love him. But I couldn't help thinking that if I said that to him (even though he knows I do), he would feel pressured to say the same, even if he wasn't ready for it.

Love is one of the most powerful emotions we can feel as humans. And the most beautiful. To feel so strongly about another person is scary, especially if you've never experienced that before. But isn't it worth it to let those emotions out, and show the other person how much you care? Because even if something does go wrong, it would still hurt for you. Just because you don't tell someone how you feel, it doesn't stop you from feeling that way.

I'm still waiting for my "I love you". Don't stop someone else from hearing yours. Because trust me, there's nothing better than hearing the person you love say they love you too.